Love Challenge...

I know I just posted a blog yesterday, but I wanted to share some more thoughts with you. It's pretty simple actually......I MISS YOU GUYS!!! There I said it. As much as I love being here I am really starting to miss my family in the US. Every time I look at Facebook or Instagram I cannot help but wish I was there experiencing life with all of you. It's hard being away. I the book, "¡Gracias!," I am reading, again, Henri Nouwen explains my feelings perfectly. In his chapter titled "An Inner and Outer Struggle," he writes:

"I find myself hardly interested in telling about the daily events of my outer life, but strongly compelled to share openly even nakedly, what is happening within me...writing letters (in my case skyping) is becoming a way of self-emptying, of being nothing more and nothing less than someone who wants to give and receive love...unexpectedly I am experiencing a deep depression. Perhaps the days of friendly greetings and introductions have kept me on an artificial level of contentment that prevented me from acknowledging my dee seated feeling of uselessness...the most pervasive feeling is that of being a outsider, someone who doesn't have a home, who is tolerated by [her] surroundings but not accepted, liked but not loved" (130).

After reading these words I couldn't help but say, "Wow, this is exactly how I am feeling!" I am the kind of person who has a constant need to feel loved. I love being around people who I love and who know how to reciprocate love back. For almost a month now my heart is thirsty for something as simple as "an embrace, a kiss, or a smile" (Nouwen 131). I know the Lord is seriously testing me in this area. In my prayer time he has told me "I want you to fully rely on me for all your needs." Until this feeling came over me I thought he was just talking physical things like money to pay tuition and resources to complete my studies. Now that I know he means in the area of feeling loved I am excited to learn a new meaning of Abba's love.

With that said since Facebook, Instagram, and Skype are the things attaching me to the life I miss and keeping me from being fully present here I am going to be limiting the amount of time I spend on them. Not the solution I thought I would come to at all. I feel in my heart this is what the Lord is calling me to do for at least a season of my time here. I know it is going to be challenging, but I want to experience all that Abba has for me to the fullest.

As always please continue to pray for me, especially now that the Lord wants to take me through a challenge like this one. I love you all!!! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!!