The Inside Scoop

I don't really know what to say in this blog, but regardless of my writers block and lack of new experiences to share I shall write. 

Wait did she just say "lack of new experiences." Why yes, yes she did. I have been living a life similar to house arrest since the middle of April. It is now the middle or May. For an extroverted, free spirited, roll with the punches, go where the wind takes you kind of girl being confined to the four walls of a single place for more than a day is torture! The place that I once called my Indian home has turned into a prison and my room is my cell. I don't know how much longer I can take it. "Well why don't you just leave?" I'm glad you asked. I don't feel comfortable leaving the house by myself. I haven't learned any of the language and they took the phone I was using away from me (they did buy it, and I wasn't using it that much so I can understand why they took it, but I'm American!! You take our phone you take away a safety blanket that allows us to function properly.) "Ok. Then why don't you ask them to take you out?" Great question. They never have time to just go out and sit a park or go exploring the city. Everyone is always working at the school or home, and when they aren't working they're sleeping. So where does that leave me? STUCK. 

On the plus side I have had the chance to get to know the more introverted side of myself. She spends a lot of time reading the Bible and reflecting/analyzing what the scripture says. She has experienced The Lord in completely new ways through his word and during her time of meditation and prayer. She likes to just sit and let unanswered questions take her mind to places that's never gone to before. She is constantly observing her surroundings, and much like my extroverted self she wants to explore them. I'm praying my introverted and extroverted self get to meet one day thus allowing my whole being to enjoy life again. 

This past month has severely altered my experience, and unfortunately not in ways that motivate me to do my work or make me want to stay here for another 9 weeks (yea I only have 9 weeks left!!! CRAZY!!) Next week I'm supposed to go back to the hostel at the school to spend time with the kids there, seeing those beautiful kids again should do some good things for my heart. Kids have a way of bringing joy to the world that nothing else can compare to. In times like this when I am feeling deprived of human contact, conversation, and affection, being around kids will fill those voids. 

In other news, it is high in the realm of possibility that I will be moving to Bangalore in June. Bangalore is a 16 hour train ride from Kerala and is one of the sister cities to San Francisco!! How cool is that?? A friend of a friend who used to live in the states moved to Bangalore some years ago to live with her mom. I've talked to her briefly, but I'm hoping to Skype with her soon. Over emails it seems she does not want me to leave India in a negative state of mind. 

So that's how I'm doing in a nutshell. It really pains me that I can't share a story about finding some awesome coffee shop where I met some other foreigners to talk to, or that I hopped on a random bus and managed to make it back home with the little Malayalam I learned, or that I love it here so much I'm considering extending my trip by a few weeks. Honestly, when I was planning this trip thats what I wanted to be saying at this point, but it is the complete polar opposite. I still don't know why God wanted me to come here for my GLT. I keep having this reoccurring thought that I missed the opportunity that was going to give me the "experience of a lifetime!" Because that's what's supposed to happen when you spend 5.5 months out of the country right?! I'm supposed to come back home feeling fulfilled, like I've found my calling. I'm supposed to wish life in America was as good as it it here. I'm supposed to have all these crazy stories about strange encounters with natives. Instead all I can say is,"I know why the caged bird sings."