Hey all!!! I have been ridiculously MIA for almost what.....2 months now?! Sorry about that. Just so you all know, I AM ALIVE, but more importantly I AM HOME :) or at least I think I'm home. Culture shock doesn't stop once you've left the unfamiliarities and the frustrations that come from being on foreign ground. No, that sucker follows you like a shadow all the way back to the place you were once undoubtedly comfortable and so sure about. It feels like the aftershock of knowing someone has come into your house in the dead of night and robbed you of everything you have ever known and, as badly as you want them to, things will never be the same.
To be honest with you all articulating my feelings has never been this difficult.......insert writers block here..........
A few minutes later............
Ok I got it, I started journey with a letter so why not end with one?
Dearest family and friends,
Well this journey was long and hard. It was filled with many bumps, valleys, rushing rivers, and giants; but here we are at the end. I'm a little beat up and weary, but I'm still here. The enemy tried, but he couldn't take me out. I am still standing, and had it not been for you I probably wouldn't be.
From the bottom of my heart and with all my love and sincerity I must say thank you. To those of you who supported me through the planning process, thank you. Thank you for keeping me accountable to the work that needed to be done before my foot left the ground. Nothing would have happened had you not done your part.
To those of you who helped me financially, a big thanks to you for your sacrifice and generosity. A huge burden was lifted off of myself and my family. Because of you my understanding of God as a provider has grown. I will forever be grateful to you.
To those who took the time out to Skype, email, text, FaceTime, tweet, and/or send me Facebook messages, thank you!!! I cannot even begin to tell you how much seeing your face or reading your words meant to me. Seriously I could not have done it without you. You all kept me going and going. Because of the time you spared some of my seemingly unbearable situations didn't seem so bad. On many occasions you were my reminder of God's love and hand on my life. You were my light in dark places and my harness when I thought I was falling to my end. With everything in me thank you.
To those who supported me through prayer and intercession, thank you. Thank you for uplifting me when I couldn't lift myself. Thank you for the prayers that kept my spirit strong in places I would have allowed it to go weak. There's a song I grew up singing that goes, "I pray for you, you pray for me. I love you. I need you to survive." These words have never had as much meaning as they do now. If I could I would like to as you to continue to keep me in your prayers. In the two weeks I've been home I've had a lot of time to think about what this experience has done to me. I know it's going to take some time to fully understand, but so far I don't like who I have become. I don't like the way I have been thinking. And I do not like feeling as if I have failed the person God has called me to be.
So now that I have returned if I could ask you all a favor; please be patient with me. If you happen to see me and ask how I'm doing be forewarned my answer might not be the traditional, comfortable, yet in unsatisfying "I'm fine." Please don't be upset if I don't want to talk about my experience or if what I do tell you doesn't match what you thought my experience was like. If I trust you enough to vent, don't freak out!! Just listen. Lastly, this may seem to counteract some of the things I've said, please force me to talk about my feelings. I need to process what just happened to me. I may not want to, but I need to go through the pains and satisfactions of voicing how I feel. I don't want to lock this experience in a box and throw away the key. I want to work through it so I can grow and in that growth give God the glory.
I love you all so much and I could not have asked for a better support system. Thank you for taking the time out to read the words from my heart. To those who have been following me through this while experience, it truly means the world to me.
Much love and man blessings,
~Alyssa
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